A magical evening

The All Pakistan Music Conference (Karachi Chapter) is doing a marvelous job to promote classical music in Karachi. Appearing at the cultural landscape, as it has, in the wake of the upsurge of violence in Karachi, efforts by this organization to revive the tradition of live concerts in Karachi is a breath of fresh air. Since its launch in March 2004, membership has grown steadily. Being a non-profit organization, for future viability, it deems it necessary that more people become members (annual membership is Rs. 1000 only) Events are free for members and there is always a token of appreciation for them at the live concerts, in the form of CDs featuring rare classical and semi-classical music handed out to members. So it is money well spent. Later in the month, they are planning another event and some Indian artists have been invited for the first time.

The event this weekend was probably the best we have had so far. It featured classical performance by Ustad Zafar Ali Khan of Gwalior Gharana. I was moved by the performance for its purity, energy and earnestness. Live performances take music to another level and you have greater appreciation as feedback from the audience is known immediately.

The nuances and notes that are enjoed are shared experiences as the whole room swoons in sync. I find this aspect important because my knowledge of rules and various techniques about classical music are rudimentary at best. There must be something that I am relating to without being aware of what it was technically. Deeper understanding of music of the ragas is helpful but not a pre-requisite to enjoying music. Exposure to this music in an earlier age helps maybe this why I find the listening experience so natural. It is like someone speaking to you about love if that makes any sense.

The classical segment was followed by ghazal session by Tina Sani. I usually have indifference towards her style but she started with her signature “bahar aayaee” by Faiz and she floored me with another ghazal by Faiz, followed by two (Shakeel Badayuni and Zauq) ghazals that have been originally covered by Begum Akhtar, my all time favourite. All in all a good performance by her but the one by Ustad Zafar Ali Khan remained the highlight of a magical evening.

A day in the life of -

Morning commute is hell. I am short of breath. My heart pounds. Chain reaction of panic attacks and I drown and sweat.

It was'nt always like this. Something happened last year that has turned my mornings into living hell. I turn the air conditioning full blast while driving if I get this sensation. Want my body to be aware of the surroundings, open the windows let the Karachi air slap me to my senses. If this does not work, I rub my cold hands on my face. Need the contact. Need the touch to be stronger than the thought that I am sinking.

A friend has the same problem. His anxiety is work-related. But when he shared his problems, it sounded familiar. I could empathize with his predicament. And I was happy that what is happening to me is also happening to others.

People talk about having a strong will power to sort out challenges but it is not that easy. It you are drowning and the current is strong, no matter how much you want to stay afloat, you only head to the bottom of the abyss. I do not know how to swim so that drowning analogy is even more painful to imagine.

Working on mental toughness is a long drawn out process because the most potent organ of your body, the brain is playing tricks on you. It is hard to do a con job done on an expert of mind games.

My friend consulted a doctor at Aga Khan and suggested breathing exercises and tranquilizers. Tranquilizers have not worked for me even for a day. I have always been in total control of my emotions and my fears. Medication has nothing to offer me. Infact during the month that I took the tranquilizers I woke up gasping for air.

The breathing exercises do work. You take a deep breath and hold it for 5 secs and then you slowly let go.

It has been 10 months now that I have had this problem but things are getting better with time. It is true that time is a healer. This started last October and I really am glad that I now have some tricks up my sleave to fool the senses. Music is a great companion, another way of relaxing especially in rush hour when some freak is honking at me when I am in the slow lane.

And to top it all, once the morning problem has been addressed, the rest of the day is ok. There is the usual crap at work that needs to handled but getting paid for it eases the pain.