its gonna be bright bright sun shiny day

i reach home and the elder one is in the drive way....flash back to the time when he was much younger and as the car would get closer to him, he would smile at me and the look of excitement on his face...nothing can describe the feeling for me. he has the same eyes....they have only gotten bigger and the feeling has only grown

being a parent is an extremely difficult thing and the respect for your parents grows when you experience this feeling first hand...

but today there is a reason why he wanted to hi say to me when i get out of the car, he wants to make sure we were ok after yesterdays thrashing that i gave him for doing his homework incorrectly

.....that is very sweet of him and he did not stop at that....straight away he gave me a big hug and he got the reassurance that he was seeking from me....how could things not be ok between us......

A Movie quote to lift up the spirits

As another miserable day has started, looking outside my window i just realized something ....there are people out there having a routine day may be a one in which being miserable has become a routine thing....

so why must i bitch about the rough ride i am having, may be what i need to do is imagine that i am not part of a specific difficult scenario and i start look at a given problem from someone elses' perspective ....mayve someone who is not as passionate about finding solutions ...who is already home or on holiday or vacations....so really the kind of day one is having is a reflection of what expectations one has....from work, specific targets, goals, colleagues etc

...and if some of them are just passing the buck...it is only because they are programed to do what they do...so if i let people ruin my day then this anguish is really one-sided

so i was pissed at myself for moping around and i did one of these spontaneous things and searched google for something uplifting, like a famous quote and voila...i get a link to a favorite movie and the best part of the movie is al pacino blowing his top saying something that is so orgasmic....so here is the scene and the dialogue by Al Pacino in "The Scent of a Woman"

Mr. Trask: Mr. Sims, you are a cover-up artist and you are a liar.

Col. Frank Slade: But not a snitch!

Trask: Excuse me?

Slade: No, I don't think I will. This is such a crock of shit.

Trask: Mr. Slade, you will watch your language. You are at the Baird School now not a barracks. Now Mr. Sims I will give you one final opportunity to speak up.

Slade: Mr. Sims doesn't want it. He doesn't need to labeled, "...still worthy of being a 'Baird Man.'" What the hell is that? What is your motto here? Boys, inform on your classmates, save your hide. Anything short of that we're gonna burn you at the stake? Well, gentlemen. When the going gets tough, some guys run and some guys stay. Here's Charlie--facing the fire, and there's George--hiding in big Daddy's pocket. And what are you gonna do? You're gonna reward George, and destroy Charlie.

Trask: Are you finished, Mr. Slade?

Slade: No. I'm just gettin' warmed up. Now I don't know who went to this place--William Howard Taft, William Jennings Bryant, William Tell. Whoever. There spirit is dead--if they ever had one--it's gone. You're building a rat ship here. A vessel for sea going snitches. And if you think your preparing these minnows for manhood you better think again. Because I say you are killing the very spirit this institution proclaims it instills. What a sham! What kind of show are you guys puttin' on here today. I mean, the only class in this act is sittin' next to me. And I say, this boy's soul is in tact. It is non-negotiable. You know how I know. Because someone here--I'm not gonna say who--offered to buy it. Only Charlie here wasn't selling.

Mr.Trask: Sir, you are out of order! Slade: Out of order, I'll show you out of order! You don't know what out of order is Mr.Trask! I'd show you but I'm too old, I'm too tired, and I'm too fuckin' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago I'd take a flame-thrower to this place. Out of order, who the hell do you think you're talking to? I've been around you know? There was a time I could see. And I have seen, boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit, there is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot-soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs but I say that you are executing his soul. And why? Because he's not a Baird man. Baird men, you hurt this boy, you're going to be Baird Bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, fuck you too.

Mr. Trask: Stand down Mr. Slade!

Slade: I'm not finished! Now as I came in here, I heard those words...cradle of leadership. Well, when the bow breaks, the cradle will fall. And it has fallen here, it has fallen! Makers of men, creators of leaders, be careful what kind of leaders you're producing here. Now, I don't know if Charlie's silence here today is right or wrong; I'm no judge or jury. But I can tell you this: he won't sell anybody out to buy his future! And that my friends is called integrity, that's called courage. Now that's the stuff leaders should be made of. (pause)

Now I have come to the crossroads in my days, and I have always known the right path, always, without exception, I knew. But I never took it, you know why? Because it's too damn hard. Now here's Charlie; he's come to the crossroads. And he's chosen a path, it's the right path. It's a path made of principle, that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey. You hold this boy's future in your hands committee! It's a valuable future. Believe me! Don't destroy...protect it...embrace it. It's gonna make you proud some day...I promise.

end quote
aaaaaaa....that felt so good....:)

dazed and confused.....

On the crappiness scale of zero to ten, the day was an eleven. started off well actually, the sky a perfect blue and the trees a blazing green – thank the lord the rain has breathed new life all around, the city having been deprived of monsoon this year – at work the floodgates opened with shit heading my way, it is not the firefighting I fear, it is the rudeness of people that I have to face with or “work around” that bothers me no end.

The thing about public relations is that if you are a service provider, then there will be some asshole who will take advantage of the adage that 'the customer is always right'. I find that handling customers in Karachi is a lot easier than ones in Lahore and Islamabad, people just have different operating parameters elsewhere not that Karachi does not have its share of assholes. But in general, people have less time to talk crap and take crap in this city.

What saved and salvaged the day was the music on my headphones as I juggled emails that would not let up till late in the evening and it is not even the middle of the month when the real number chasing begins. Apart from sampling beck, I came back to a safer place, my audio library on my PC and turned the headphone volume so loud that my colleagues knew the kind of day I was having.

Had to come home early to drop the little one to school for her ‘turtle watch’ beach trip…noticing that she was so excited about it, i forgot all about my day

something happens to me when one of them is in the front seat, not that one feels like a concerned parent being tossed intelligent and impossible questions at random but the danger of maniacal traffic outside drives me so mad ….Karachi has really gone downhill with rash drivers galore ...no patience at all….with ramadan round the corner, must get mentally ready for more madness on the streets

With the little one scampering off to the school gym, I head to the music store and I find absolutely zilch. No beck no cake in fact I feared that in response to my query with the store clerk “app kay pass cake hai”, I feared that with my luck, he would blurt out some profanity…in fact what really happened is that I asked him if he had any beck cd and he gave me a typical response which basically meant that i should get lost or start listening to the kind of crap every one else listen to...."oops i fucking did it again", brittany freaking spears . I remind him that in the last ten days I had given him a request for a CD that i saw he had noted down but today he was feigning ignorance about having spoken to me…ever. The thing is these people are absolutely clueless about music and they are just a chaapa-khana, a money making machine duplicating CDs

Don’t know why but I felt quite sad after the whole affair…I reach home and the elder one has his homework done all wrong and I just lose it at this point…I do not recall shouting so much at him....he was surprised at my eloquence but every-time I shout at him, his big brown piercing eyes remind me that he is just the sweetest kids but why is it that he not do his work properly...i just cannot understand....

his eyes tone me down every time and maybe this is part of being a parent that you could be shouting at them but your heart is melting inside. the poor kid has to do his islamiat and urdu all over again thanks to his evil dad

So right now I feel nothing, I feel mentally drained, my feet hurt, work has turned me into an insomniac fretting over the crap I will face in the morning…..again….